6 reasons why you can't get over a breakup

I'd like to think that the three most painful things on Earth are third degree burns, childbirth, and breakups.

Breakups are devastating to every sphere of our lives: the emotional, physical, social, and mental. It has a way of reducing us to our weakest, and making us relive the painful feelings of regrets over and over again.

Everyday, you walk down that same street you both used to walk; you listen to sad songs and keep wondering about what was and what should have been. Still, you end up wondering why you just  can't forget who it was that broke your heart. This post would help you discover what it is that you're still doing wrong.

1. You're stalking him or her on social media:

Don't worry about what he's doing, worry about why you're worrying about what he's doing. 

So, maybe you unfollowed him on all the social media platforms you both shared, right after the breakup. Or maybe, you took it as far as blocking him. Still, you know deep within you that you're guilty of 'peeking' into his timeline once in a while.

You want to know 'what's new' in his  life, and so you've turned his photos and posts into a reliable source of where he's at, who he's with, what he's doing, and what not!

The online world is nothing unlike the virtual world. As wide as it is, it's totally expected for you to run into your ex if your guard is down. First of all, you've got to decide within yourself; It's either you avoid them or you prove sheer dignity by not avoiding them. But if you choose to block them out, then you might have to block out everything about them: their photos; their posts; their memories. Don't block them this second and sneak in to see their latest photos the next.

In this case, you've got to be very decisive - twice as much as you were when you decided to avoid them. But if you think blocking them is a bit too extreme, then employ subtle methods, like turning of their notifications and retweets on Twitter; telling your friends to avoid tagging you both in their posts or tweets. He's probably as guilty as you are in stalking his account. He's probably not. But since finding out would present the risk of opening up the wounds that are barely healing, it's not worth the effort.

2. You're still wondering about what went wrong. 

Don't dwell on what went wrong. Focus on what to do next.

You're beating yourself emotionally everyday, and the scars manifest physically, socially and mentally. You feel like you're losing it, although you're too proud to admit this because you think it's a sign of weakness or that he or she is not worth your tears and pains.

Breakups have a way of introducing a whole new side of a person to himself and those around him. Each and everyday, you ask yourself, 'what really went wrong?' 'Maybe if I had given it a little more this, or a little less that....'

You're only reducing yourself to the bridge between depression and insanity. Now, you react with animosity to whoever your ex poses with in a selfie. You feel a flush of anger and jealousy, wondering if you were pushed aside because you didn't have skin as tan as his, or hips as curvy as hers. Alert! Alert! This could do a lot of damage, not only to your self esteem, but to any chance of you falling in love again.

3. You're lonely -

And loneliness can be a very dangerous acquaintance.

Read also >>What depression can do to you

I've discovered that most of one's darkest sins are done at the times one is at his loneliest. Or in this case, you're mostly to go against your principles the moment you realize you're lonely. You're bound to sneak back into his or her timeline, or into their chat window, hoping they'll just say something. Anything. You forget that each of these actions are likely to be followed by your tears.

Right! You were tempted to do that because no one's watching. But not only because of that. Loneliness has a way of connecting you to your surroundings, and teaching your surroundings to connect to your memories; your past. You sit alone; yet you're not really alone. The bed, the drawer, the toothbrush and every other insignificant thing you come across have something to remind you of your hurtful past. There's a lot of voices in your head; yours, your ex's and those present in the memories.
Reliving your memories will only make matters worse.

Step out for a while. Try replacing those voices with soothing voices. There are many ways to do this; few of which are: Meeting up with friends. Calling up your best friend late at night, and listening to sad songs.

Science says that listening to sad songs can make you happier than you are. People like to listen to songs that relate to the current phase of their lives - mainly, their emotions. It's an indirect away of finding consolation. Broaden your playlist today, just don't overdo it by wandering far off, away from reality. It's dangerously easy to do that.

4. You think you'll never find anyone better than him. 

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. 

Many have fallen victim of giving their all to what seemed like the 'never ending love story', which has now been now replaced with 'never ending tears'. Hey! Let me tell you the truth. I've been there before, and I can assure you that it hurts more in the case of first love.

Why? Because about ninety percent of first love relationships are born from infatuation. Most people who weren't successful in their journey of first love often discover that they weren't really in love with each other. It was more like they were in love with the way their exes talked to them, treated them or made them feel. It's not like the love wasn't there. Just that it was their first time of starting out a complex phase, and one they had no clue as to what it really entails.

You probably think he or she is the best person for you. And that you can never find anyone like him. But doesn't the fact that you broke up with him or her mean that you shouldn't try searching for someone or anyone like him?
I'm sure if you take your time to heal and open up your heart again, you'll find someone way better, and one that's compatible to your personality.

5. You took it personally.

The first to apologize is the bravest. 
The first to forgive is the strongest. 
The first to forget is the happiest. 

'How could anyone have done that to you?' 'You're much too precious to be pushed aside' 

Enough with the blames and regrets already! True, you probably weren't the reason behind the breakup, and so, you didn't deserve to be 'dumped'. Probably. Still, remember that while it's painful, it's actually normal to be disappointed by someone you put your hopes on.

Humans can't be trusted with everything. It's in our nature to act irrational one minute, and spend the next minute wondering why we did.

Forget the past, but not the lessons it taught you. Forgive him for or her for hurting you; but above all, forgive yourself and let it all go - the pain, blames, and regret. Learn to see the bright side of life. And you can't do this by moping about the things you've lost, rather, by being thankful for the things you still have.

I'll use the sixth point to properly advise you on your next romantic endeavor. I don't want you making the same mistake twice .

6. You were infatuated with him or her

- and you probably still are.

infatuation is when someone made you feel special yesterday but makes you feel like you're a nobody today. 

What did you really love about that person. Did you really love that person? Or was it the hair, the way he talks, walks, smiles or made you feel? If you loved him because of any of those or something similar, then let me put it to you simple - you didn't love that person. You thought you did.

You were only in love with a single character, trait, or personality. Victims of infatuation are usually the ones that say 'I'm crazy about her!' or 'I'm madly in love with him!'
Doctor Eustace Chesser writes, "those that seek happiness in love, and a lasting union must realise that while the emotions should guide, reason and common sense must have the final word"

It's not right to love one or two out of all the traits your partner possesses. Such a relationship can only last for so long before it comes crashing down.
We can love someone to the extent of adding certain qualities to that he doesn't possess. While 'her voice is as radiant as the morning sun' may be tagged 'poetry', to the victim of infatuation, it could be reality.

I find Doctor Chesser's advice very valuable that I intend to quote a larger portion of his book, Love without fear. 
"Be a little suspicious of the love that comes all-consuming and carries you away. A little suspicious. It may prove short-lived. On the other hand, it may pass into the more rational form of love. This is the more likely if an honest attempt is made by both parties to apply informed judgement, along the lines already indicated, as to their suitability to each other "

Then to quote another Doctor - Doctor W. Beran Wolfe
"Love is the highest form of human co-operation. It implies the willingness to see your partner as he or she really is, to love despite faults, to demand and be ready to give all."

Yes, see your partner as he or she really is. And help your partner to see the real you. That way lies safety and happiness.

"For the love which lasts is one between two human beings - not dream creations. 

Thanks for reading! I hope this would help you a lot! Please drop your feedback or thoughts in the comment section and share the link on the social media platforms you have an account with. Thanks again!